Thursday, November 26, 2015

what is it

I feel like laughing my lung out. Those entries i wrote, they are both hilarious yet it contains mixed feelings. Just like my journal. Might be more embarrassing in the future but hey its valuable. it's a memory that i want to keep along my upcoming journey.

So many things happened, so i decided to 'write' again. Who cares who's reading(me!). But seriously, looking back at my entries, my diary, my sketchbook, it reminds me of the old me. Which some part i would prefer for it to disappear and stop haunting me. Most, brings laughter(hahahahahah) and shy shy smile. You know when those moments strike, moments that make your heart fluttered yeah that one. I know it still feels the same, right :')

As what you can see, i'm not capable in writing long essays. Well i'm not in mood(excuse). Trust me, i'm no good. There should be tons of mistakes, i apologize. It might hurt your sight heeheh hence i will come back and correct it later. There's no harm in trying right? I did not improve in the past too but i promise this time insyaAllah(a must).

Okay, it has been months now since i finished 1st sem. Exciting i tell ya(lies). rn i'm currently undergoes depression well not really. It's just i feel like i'm already torn apart. I'm left with emptiness dying inside me. Used to think that it was dramatic for someone to feel this way under any circumstances. I always have this thought about how people should always act. It's not even possible. Humans are not robots. We have limitations that some people exceeded and now trapped. We don't have the same beginning and not the same ending as well. It ends differently but lets pray every person we know end up in His heaven.

I'm trying all the keys to unlock myself, my emotions, my thoughts. There must be something that is bothering me like so much. But till now i can't seem to find the solution. There's something new though. I pushed people away from me(not that, idk). I feel burdened that i can't do much for anyone. I'm afraid that i can't do much. I'm not leaving forever, it's just that i'm not myself right now. I'll be back, please wait.


(I miss you guys so much it hurts)

(The best dessert eva i must say)

 (never never take people around you for granted, lucky we can still get along :'))

(Ayuh anak-anak, be healthy alright)

(how warm u people i'm sorry jadi penyibuk :'))

(finally a surprise party after all my fail plans)

(main) ++

(how to describe my lahv)

I'm freaking 18 already but still cant give much effort for anything or anyone i feel useless. I cant run to my friend whenever she's in trouble. I cant fly over to Sarawak. I cant drive all the way to Cyber(i cant drive at all), I always ruined plans like literally i'm the black goat. But i'm glad, totally. My babies(ew) are still the same hahaahha i love you. It's good enough i think for today. Efforts is beautiful. I'll try better another time. xoxo

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