The pain

Now I can finally say it, I feel left out.

Looking at how those who i spent most of my times with

Seems like they dont need me anymore in their life

It seems like its better to not be bothered by me

It seems that they feel relieved that they can finally escape from my grip

Then what are the values of those in the past?

I now feel paranoid, trauma.

I now believe that

No one around me will ever last

They leave when its all done

When they get tired, the sparks die

And all the oath and promises are all lies

because neither any shows any effort.

So tell me what is friendship?

Is it just some kind of experiment

To see which level of human-being you belong to?

If so, proceed with your life

Be my guest,

Leave me alone

And dont return to me

Only to fix your scars

Because i dont think it could be fix anymore

*gambar takde kaitan*

Maybe after all, all this while I'm just some side actor in your drama

Smile, wont you?

Life was not meant to be perfect, it is covered with flaws. And without the flaws it would just be empty. Somehow, i tried to understand myself. Looking for something worth about me because i do think i dont matter to some (even after the lecturer lectures about this haha).

A very good friend of mine send me the answers,

she said it is a beautiful sayings from yasmin,

"There's something amazing about this life. The very same wordly attribute that causes us pain is also what gives us relief. Nothing here lasts. What does that mean? It means that the breathtakingly beautiful rose in my vase will wither tomorrow. It means that my youth will neglect me. But it also means that the sadness I feel today will change tomorrow. My pain will die. My laughter wont last forever --- but neither will my tears. We say this life isn't perfect, and it isn't. It isn't perfectly good. But, it also isn't perfectly bad, either."

And that is wowww kebabooommm

See, as we grow up, the laughters stay as laughters and just literally dies

there shall be something more meaningful in life that will stay forever.

and lets see how much i matters :) 

Cherish our purposes in life anyway, which will benefits us also in the hereafter